Announcing Jack Tyler Decker

7

FOR
IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

MANAGEMENT SHAKEUP AT DECKER HOUSEHOLD
Jack Tyler Decker Appointed New CEO

AUSTIN, TX (MARCH 6, 2008)
The Decker
Household announced today the arrival of its new CEO, Jack Tyler Decker. A 9-month
veteran of fast-growth environments, Jack took control of the family startup on Thursday, March 6 at 5:42PM CT.

In a management shakeup, the
21 inch, 8 lb. 11 oz tycoon appointed Shannon Decker to report directly to him
as President of The Household. Shannon’s promotion came after hard labor
disputes for a few hours just prior to his appointment. Sam Decker, who had
worked many years to gain peer status to the new President, has been demoted to
special assistant to Shannon and her supporting staff, Kyle and Haley Decker.

Jack had started his 9 month
rise to control since June 7…or maybe June 8 or 9, 2007– analysts cannot
confirm the date. Jack had an inside track to the position ever since.

The new CEO is expected to work
around the clock. His duties will consist of sleeping, eating 8 meals a day,
and making many daily deposits into plastic envelopes. Shannon and Sam, in
their new roles, will act quickly on directions from their new boss to achieve
his desired career growth. On the day of his arrival, the CEO wasted no time
crying out instructions to her new staff, and was already making small
deposits.

Jack Decker, with a simple
coo and finger suck, immediately got his team to swing into action to support
his growth. This hard-working CEO hopes to crawl, eat solid foods, and hold his
head up within a few months. Shannon, President of The Decker Household,
states, "It will be hard work adapting to the work schedule the boss will
give us, but we’re ready. Failure is not an option. We were trained to do
this.” Even Kasey, the black fur, four-legged floor cleaner, is expected to
"kiss up" to the new boss with a few licks.

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7 Responses

  1. Are you sure you are in the right business Sam? Well written press release! 🙂
    Many congratulations.
    -Avinash.

  2. Jason Falls says:

    Congrats! Our second is due in May. I read the release to my wife and she almost went into labor. Funny stuff, dude. Enjoy!

  3. Chris Ray says:

    Congrats…clever announcement!
    Chris

  4. Sam, Congrats on the new addition to the family! I just got your out of office…..enjoy the time off!
    Andrew

  5. Kevin Dugan says:

    HUZZAH! Congratulations on the blessed event. Hope everyone continues to do well (with some sleep thrown in for good measure).

  6. Ted Grigg says:

    What a joy. I loved reading your story… and congratulations!

  7. Angela Betancourt says:

    Now that is what I call a baby announcement!

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